I don't think I've ever had a more taxing year emotionally/mentally than 2017. I saw a meme recently that said, "who are you kissing on New Years?? Me: I'm kissing 2017 goodbye." SAME, girl, SAME.
2017 came with a vengeance and showed little mercy. I think the fact that the #MeToo movement was Time magazine's person of the year gives a pretty good indication of how the year went. Two thumbs majorly down.
It was hard. If my 2017 had a shape, it would be an inverted bell curve, with short ends and a wide, fat curve. Two beautiful girls who I knew and adored committed suicide, and one of my best friends lost her mother unexpectedly. & (in the course of writing this post) my last living grandparent, my abuelito Juan, passed away days before we were supposed to see him.
There were several hurricanes, the Dodgers lost the World Series, and Satan waged a full on war on my family. Back off, Satan!
This year was full of heartbreak and episodes of time where I felt purposeless, desperate, and numb. And yet, I couldn't still can't pinpoint why? I wasn't full of self deprecating thoughts, just the opposite! And it wasn't that I took a break from doing the gospel things—If anything, I cleaved unto the scriptures harder, and said more meaningful prayers because I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening. I tried serving, but those brief moments seemed to be only temporary bandaids, and the minute I stopped serving, the horrible feelings crept back in. The activities I used to find fun just stopped being fun: blogging, party planning, hanging out with friends, they all took a hit. I found myself dreading the seemingly endless stream of dessert parties and game nights. I'm just really ready for that phase of my life to be done.
I watched A LOT of Jane the Virgin this year (I hadn't watched any of season 3) and cried with Jane as she grieved (SPOILER ALERT) the death of Michael—a character I hadn't even been rooting for. When I felt like my life was lacking a connection to my Latino culture, I tuned into the Villanueva women and their goodness soothed my soul. Gina Rodriguez, homegirl we need to be friends.
Church started getting hard; I felt like lessons lacked depth, and I hated how I found more satisfaction and purpose in my law school classes than lessons at church. It's a personal problem, I know, but I also can't help but wish sometimes that Provo was more woke and used the scriptures more in our lessons.
Somethings gotta give, right?!?
There were some good things that happened in 2017 (like my trips to GA, AL, PR, TX), but they sometimes felt like pity blessings, like God was saying, "I'm sorry this year is so hard, Lauren! This is just something I need you to go through, but here's a little something to keep you somewhat afloat."
I FAILED at trying to live by my word of the year—as in, I forgot what my word of the year was until I looked it up for this post. But, I think I did pretty good at my motto, "make everybody feel like a somebody." One of the ways I worked on this was by making birthdays extra special by inviting friends over for birthday dinner. In fact, birthday dinners are something I'd like to continue!
I had a goal to read for pleasure more and KILLED IT during the summer with my train rides, but this goal was virtually nonexistent when I was in school—moderation in all things.
I felt impressed at the end of last year to discover more fully what it means to be a daughter of God, and so I pledged myself to reading one YW/RS talk a week. This goal coupled with my feminist legal theory class from this last semester and both helped me explore my understanding of what it means to be a daughter of God.
I also had a goal to keep in contact more with my father and a certain uncle, and while I didn't quite live up to my goal of calling them once a week, I did improve our communication.
I became more frugal in 2017 and learned to more fully live within my means—I was greatly blessed for it. I can't tell you the last time I bought clothes. I honestly think I purchased two shirts (a dodgers shirt claro and a female Supreme Court Justice squad goals tee) and that's it in all of 2017. But, in April, my roommate came home with boxes and boxes of free brand new clothes and I went "shopping" in the piles of clothes stuffed in her car. #blessed
I became even more comfortable in my own skin and stopped wearing makeup full-time back in May. My attitude toward makeup has changed completely, and I have a desire to wipe everyone's faces clean to see the real them!
I have a sneakingly good suspicion about 2018. Eight is my favorite number: 1) because my birthdate is 8/8 and 2) because when you turn 8 on it's side you get the symbol for infinity ∞. I know January 1, 2018 is going to be "just another day," but I'm going to be really glad to not have to write a "7" at the end of every date. Good things have always happened in my life in years that end in 8.
1998: I was baptized by my father, and confirmed by my grandfather
2008: I graduated high school; I turned 18 on the most magical day of the year 08/08/08.
Tomorrow, my family and I leave for Mexico & I'll ring in the new year in the land of my ancestors and the spell/curse of 2017 will be broken.
We're finna KILL it in 2018.
^^Civil Rights Seminar friends after the screening for STEP.
^^Meeting Joan Trumpauer Mulholland after the screening of her son's film, The Uncomfortable Truth.
^^My friend Becca (a 97th ward-er) gave me my first professional haircut since before my mission! Up until this point, I'd just been cutting my hair myself.
^^Sunday dinner at my place after attending mass with Emmanuelle
^^An MPA reunion.
^^Our Thanksgiving crew, courtesy of my Uncle Jr.'s drone.
^^(L) Reunited with Ashley, who I gave piano lessons to my first two years of law school. (R) Lunch with Britney we had Malawi's pizza and talked all about how the future is female.
^^& speaking of females, my feminist legal theory classmates. I'd like to think of our class as the Mona Lisa Smile class of the law school. We chose to pose in front of this painting in the law library because rumor has it students complained that the painting was "skanky." We found it a fitting backdrop for the class.
^^I texted a handful of people to invite them to sing Happy Birthday to our former bishop, this was the result. We love our Vescovo.
^^Train rides this summer would have been miserable had it not been for these two—las chicas del Tren, reunited once more.
^^Nicole & I finally got to be roommates this year. This photo was taken the morning after her birthday. We have had many a sleepover in my bed. We literally got up and went straight to work on our finals. I joked that we looked like the grandparents from Charlie & the Chocolate factory. Nicole is making fun of one of my elementary school photos where I'm posed typing on a keyboard—90s baby.
^^In a classic case of Lauren Serendipity, I got to be home for my former companion, Hna Dedrick's wedding! The ceremony was held in her parent's backyard in Yorba Linda; by divine design, I had a family dinner in Brea (the city next door) right after. Mini miracle that I got to do both in one night!
^^(L) First cousin 1x removed, Amanda & (R) my first cousins Sean & Matt
^^It had been WAAAY too long since we'd seen each other. <3
bless up! 2018, I can't wait to meet you.
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