29.

I have been 29 for a month now.
I felt so much love from all corners of my life all month long. #leoseason
I got to take the day off from work on my actual birthday, and decided to go to Disneyland with a close group of friends! It was pure mágico.

But, to be honest, lately I've been finding it hard to find joy or find joy in the ways I used to.
I have been in California for over a year now, and don't get me wrong I love my job, but it's been so hard for me to not see my "California stint" (as I sometimes refer to my life here) as a pit stop on the way to something better. But, it's a catch-22 because I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, but I guess I'm not doing too good with patiently waiting for the next adventure Heavenly Father has in store for me. I have definitely been treating each day here as a cross-another-date-off-the-calendar type experience. This year has flown by and I'm somewhat ashamed to say that I've been so grateful for that.             
This week, I had a thought trying to sort itself in my head. I kept trying to wrap my mind around a concept or quote or something I believed I remembered. I would type phrases into google I thought could be associated with this remembered "thing." I typed in combinations of "Joseph Smith, harvesting, Nauvoo, etc." and other variations. I knew the message I had taken away from this quote/lesson—a message of "bloom where you're planted"/"prepare for the harvest." Algo asi. Slowly I remembered that I had heard this quote/grasped this concept while reading "Saints" or at least from studying it in institute.

So, yesterday morning, bright and early I decided to text my institute teacher, Bro. Rosell, in hopes he could provide an answer to my somewhat weary mind. He delivered!

D&C 51:16-17

16. And I consecrate unto them this land for a little season, until I, the Lord, shall provide for them otherwise, and command them to go hence;

17. And the hour and the day is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good. 

Act upon this land as for years. THIS! This was the elusive phrase I had been searching for. I know this is a lesson God is trying to teach me at this time, and I am being quite the stubborn little child (tallying the days on a chalkboard, ya feel me??). I decided to enter the phrase into Google hoping to find a talk that would expound on this message.

I found the most wonderful message entitled, "The Promised Land" by Elder L. Whitney Clayton (a fellow attorney!!) from a BYU Commencement Ceremony Aug. 12, 2010. The following quote was manna to my soul!

Likewise, we would be wise to sink our roots into the pot in which we are planted and not wait for a later time or a different place or a new pot. No matter how "little [our] season," we should act upon this, our land, "as for years." We sink our roots by getting involved, making friends, seeking opportunities for service, accepting and then magnifying callings, attending the temple, and joining in community efforts. Sending our roots deep will enrich our experience and bless others as well. We may be plucked up and moved to some new place when our friendships or jobs are just tiny seedlings, still with barely a leaf to be seen, but sinking our roots gives us experience and will "turn unto [us] for [our] good." This is particularly applicable to those who are single, in graduate school, or know they will soon move and who may be tempted to hold back and let others do the heavy lifting of earnest Church work. It's a mistake to put our baptismal covenants on hold that way. You may not think you will be in this particular pot for very long, and you probably won't be, but your life will be richer and your opportunities enhanced if you treat this time and this place and this situation as your promised land.

I am guilty of EVERY single line of the above paragraph. The amount of times I have withheld myself from forming meaningful relationships with people here is ridiculous. Again and again I've been plagued by the mentality of "this is temporary, no need to get too close to people, I'm sure I'll be dipping soon." And with my possibly *closest* friend here leaving across the pond this week, it's insane how many times I've daydreamed about slipping away into oblivion never to be seen at a social outing again.

I think my lack of root-sinking has been evident by my lack of blog posts—four, you guys. I've posted on here four times (not including this post) in the last nine months. If that's not an indicator of my lack of excitement of being in California, I don't know what is.

But, REPENTANCE! It's real, and I've been pondering how to change. I wish this was a switch that I could just flip on and find myself suddenly thrilled about being in the little pot I'm in, but alas... life isn't about quick fixes and life switches. And I have legit spent the last year stuck in this frame of mind, so I'm doing my part to re-work and re-purpose this mental rut I've been stuck in. Most likely this will involve lots of self-therapy + journaling sessions, but I feel the desire in my heart, a small little seedling wanting to make cambios. This is the goal for 29!

& now, for birthday photos...

^^birthday celebration at work for the August babies! This ended up being the only birthday cake I had (by choice!), and it was boooooomb.

^^A coworker got me the cutest Disney themed balloons and made my office look all cute. :)

DISNEYLAND + CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE!

I think I've celebrated my birthday more times at Disneyland than any other location, but never with this many friends! We went on my actual birthday, a thursday this year, went on all the rides skipped most of the lines thanks to MaxPass, and ate at Cafe Orleans. 

^^Neri. I love this little mija of mine! :) 

^^Me & Ian's birthdays are exactly a week apart, so we got him a birthday pin too! It was kind of fun to have us both get birthday wishes from cast members and visitors everywhere we went. Just lots of well-wishing all around. 

Turns out, it was also the Haunted Mansion's birthday—50 years of ghoulish delights! The ride broke down twice on us and to make light of the situation, we whipped out my camera. Enjoy. 

^^I know my eyes are closed, but mostly I love my hair in this picture!! I mean...

^^I will forever love Nat's explaining face! When she's deep in a rant or explaining some really well thought out topic. 

^^Is it weird that I didn't ride the teacups till I was 28?? And I am a fan! Only at night when the pretty lights are all on. 

^^I hope this doesn't come across as pretentious, but I like to take pictures of my birthday loot (presents). Not because I'm trying to be like Dudley Dursely and count the number of presents I get, but more because I like the reminder of what presents I got for which birthday and I like remembering what specific people gifted me. Not pictured, a beautiful pair of huaraches my Mom bought me and a big back of flamin' hot cheetos + lime—those didn't last a day. 

roadtrips with Xolo.

joshua tree.

Imagine this is a picture of Xolo in front of a desert landscape with Joshua Trees in the background. I SWEAR that photo existed at some point in time, both Misden and I have distinct memories of pulling to the side of the road and taking said pick, but it was nowhere to be found on my camera. If you squint while looking at the above photo, you can see a few baby Joshua Trees in the background. This was Xolito's first roadtrip, and such an all-around good adventure. 

Most days you'll find me driving up and down the 5 freeway. I joke to my Mom that I live half of my life on the 5. My Subaru crosstrek is the PERFECT vehicle for roadtrips, but sadly with a really demanding schedule, the number of roadtrips I get to take now days is limited. Still, in the last few months, I've been able to take three: Joshua Tree, Solvang, and most recently Big Sur (!!!).

Below, are just a few photos (taken mostly with my DSLR) of my adventures.

^^Joshua Tree was SO GREEN. California had been getting so much rain earlier in the year, that all the plants were lush and beautiful. 

Ok, really, I was just there to be Misden's personal photographer, and with a model this great, how could you not!

solvang.

^^Ashtyn! We were in the same ward my last year of school. She's in Santa Barbara for the summer and I am pleasantly surprised with the number of times I've been able to see her this summer. 

big sur.

The next five photos are from Ian's camera! He's a much more experienced photographer than I am, and actually knows what he's doing behind the lens where as I just point, shoot, and get lucky (sometimes).

^^The resulting product of Ian attempting to teach me how to properly use my camera. Why is fire so beautiful??!

growing pains.

I recently wrapped up my 21st journal. If I had to give the journal a title I would title it, "Growing Pains". This journal spanned just a little over a year of my life (June 1, 2018-June 16, 2019) and oversaw my transition from college graduate through the beginning of career life.

Growing pains felt aptly appropriate, because this has not been in the easiest year in the slightest. I felt like I was in a year long abusive relationship with something called the bar exam. I made the difficult decision to move home with no plans, no prospects. I felt deep pain and sorrow, and frankly it's been hard.

Something changed within me the week I finished my journal. I *painfully* realized that I've been hyper-focusing on one small challenge in my life and relegating every other good thing in my life to the background. I took serious steps to cancel out the noise and distractions in my life and wiped my slate clean. I'm off of social media again, and have started leaving my phone in my car during the work day—I'm hoping to get to the point where I really only use my phone for strictly communication purposes.

In some ways, the chapter-closing week felt like it could possibly have been my first week being back home in California. A few days before journal completion, I got a blessing from my institute director. In the blessing, I was counseled to sacrifice my desires and my sorrows over to the Lord and promised that if I should do this, I would "come to an understanding of him and a oneness with Heavenly Father that not many people receive in this life" I want that.  When I heard this line, I instantly thought of Nephi, possibly my favorite Book of Mormon hero. Not Nephi from 1 Nephi that most everyone knows, but Nephi the son of Helaman. The Lord gave Nephi the sealing power promising him, "I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will." (Helaman 10:5)

That sounds like oneness with God if I ever heard it, and I want that SO badly. And so, I've preliminarily given my next journal the title "The Search for Oneness" with the hope that this title becomes a premonition fulfilled.

Only good vibes from here on out.

Also, here's some photos from my life as of late.

We celebrated "May the 4th" at Disneyland. Literally only rode the Star Wars themed rides, and wore Star Wars outfits. 

Andrea & Brittany came from Utah for a Disneyland trip. I was so happy to see them, we had a little reunion at California Adventure the day I found out I passed the California Bar Exam! Fun fact, both Andrea and Brittany served as my RS Secretaries, and now they're roommates. 

Celebrating my CA bar passage with Minnie. :) 

Nat and I on a fancy harbor cruise. I wasn't the biggest fan of this weekend, but I'm a big fan of Nat. 

Tan came home for a brief visit, and a group of us went to Black Tap Craft Burgers & Beer at Downtown Disney to hang. I didn't get a picture with Tan  (I don't think any of us did), but she did snap this one of Ian and I.

Oh, just me, Ashtyn, and an Ostrich. I had a little roadtrip to Solvang with some friends and picked up Ashtyn on the way. Freaking. Love. This. Girl. So glad I've gotten to see her more than expected!

Ian & I attended the HOLA Mexico Film festival. We saw the film, huachicolero (watch it!). Beforehand though, we went into a Trader Joe's for snacks. We were in search for gummy worms, but instead came out with Chile Spiced Mango. They paired perfectly with the lime hot cheetos Ian had packed for us. Chile laced foods are my love language.

Being the nerds that we are, my family made reservations for the opening of Star Wars Galaxy Edge, and OF course we ran into my Mom's second cousin at the land! I also ran into a 5th grade classmate, but that's besides the point. Point is, what are the odds!? Mexican family members are e v e r y w h e r e.

Went to the Angels v. Dodgers game. I work just down the street from Angels stadium. The sky was perfectly painted for the occasion. The Dodgers lost, but esta bien!

I don't know why, but I love this picture of me & my hermanos!

Sidenote, I'm super ashamed of this post—I have been HORRIBLE about taking pictures with my DSLR, and I need to be better, because honestly iPhone photos just aren't the same. So I'm recommitting. Not that anyone cares, but I feel like if I type it out, I'm more likely to do it.

So, here's my attempt to make myself accountable for any future posts.