sacrament meeting pressure.

I feel like in singles wards there's this unspoken competition to give good talks in church.

there's an equation to the quasi-President Uchtdorf talk:
You have to have open with some funny anecdote or some story that makes you look really awesome.
Have to keep people laughing throughout the course of your talk.
Have to have some magic pebble of truth that makes everyone scurry and grab their journals
faster than you can spell M-e-l-c-h-i-z-e-d-e-k
& if you're really good, you can do all this while inviting the spirit.

I speak today.
I just don't want to give a talk that falls under one of the following...

The 8 talks you are doomed to hear in a
Singles ward

1. The "I-secretly-want-to-be-a-GA-talk"

2. The "I-wrote-this-in-Relief Society/Sunday School-because-I-forgot-I-was-speaking-today-talk"

3. The "I-read-the-dictionary-in-my-spare-time-and-will-now-tell-you-how-it-defines-prayer-talk"

4. The "I-am-now-engaged-and-am-therefore-an-expert-on-dating-talk"

5. The "yes-I-did-just-quote-C.S.Lewis-a-Disney-movie-and-Harry-Potter-all-in-one-talk-talk"

6. The "I-gave-a-spiritual-experience-without-mentioning-anything-spiritual-talk"

7. The "let-me-tell-you-a-mission-story-that-relates-to-nothing-I'm-talking-about-talk."

8. The "I'm-going-to-tell-an-inappropriate-joke-talk-and-make-everyone-just-a-little-more-uncomfortable-talk"