2018. The Year of Love

Every now and then, I get tunnel vision in Provo.
I lose myself in the pressures of this city.
Don't get me wrong, I love this place, but there's a very palpable force in this college town that sometimes feeds you the message that your worth as an individual is tied to your relationship status. I feel this pressure when the question of "how are you?" is quickly followed by a concurrent "so what's new? Are you dating anyone?"& lest someone say that this is a female "problem," I know many a man who like to ramble and talk excessively about their most recent dates.

I sometimes don't like the person I become mentally in Provo, stressing unnecessarily about things I cannot change, and circumstances I don't have control over.

Sometimes I find myself asking, what is love?
Is it a magic formula of so many swipes right paired with a witty, perfectly-crafted bio of 500 characters and glamorous photos to match? A game with rules that fluctuate and change depending on who you're asking?

Is the culmination of love cute engagement photos where couples sometimes purchase clothing specific for the occasion? Is it a party with all your friends captured by a videographer who puts together footage of you and your significant other walking and staring longingly at each other? Is it "first look photos" and gender reveals and monthly baby progress photos? There must be more than this provincial life! In film and television, love is portrayed as a fleeting emotion, and the ultimate expression of such love is an eruption of sexual pleasure.

I'd like to think love encompasses so much more. That this skewed made for social media version of love some try to sell is a farce. That love is an experience/emotion available to all because it's not limited to one form of expression.
Love is for marriages, but it also available to singles.

Late last year, I felt very strongly that 2018, should be my year of Love—a spiritual pilgrimage in understanding what true love is. & so, I'm going to spend the year studying love in depth.

I want to learn how to love people better. Learn to love myself better. & learn how to give that love freely, without conditions or stipulations.

In my farewell to 2017 post, I mentioned that I straight up forgot about my word of the year for 2017, a mistake I'd like to avoid this year. In an effort to hold myself accountable, I'm going to do monthly check-ins summarizing all I've learned about love for the month.

This is my year to learn to love the hell out of people. Literally.