Thoughts on 28

On the eve of my 28th birthday I asked my mother, "Do you realize that tomorrow I'll be the age you were when we first met?" Let that sink in some. We are in VERY different situations; at age 28 my mother had been married for two years and was giving birth to her first child. At 28, I'm single; I've just finished a dual graduate degree and recently sat for the Utah bar exam. My life journey has been different from my mother—it's been perfectly suited for me!

Lately I've been trying really hard to organize a 5th grade reunion (Seriously, I've never felt more like a private investigator). For some reason at age 28, I feel closer to my elementary school self than ever before. I have become that girl again.  So full of confidence in herself, so aware of who she is, so happy. Back then I paid little heed to popularity contests or the lives of others because I was genuinely happy being me.

Through reunion planning I've had several male classmates confess to me that I was their elementary school crush. I have been genuinely shocked.  I had two classmates confess in one day, and I can confidently say I NEVER saw that coming. Through these confessions there've been some common themes:

"I liked how smart you were...you were so confident...I always remember your smile...I liked the way you spoke...you were always so happy...your voice...I can't wait to see you; I bet everyone is gonna crush on you like I did..."

Their words. not mine.

As a good friend of mine *cough cough Chaney* once said, "girl, you know I keep receipts." Granted, I'm missing two others...

Ironically, the subject matters behind these compliments are some of the very reasons I was made fun of in middle school. A boy who rode the same school bus as me called me "Buggs Bunny" because I had such a big smile—it wasn't a compliment.

One day in the 7th grade I was in art class when the table of students next to mine started making fun of my "big lips." All I could do was ignore their cackles and try not to cry. My Art teacher, Ms. Flier, overheard them and said point blankly, "in a few years you girls will be wishing you had Lauren's lips, and you boys will wish you were kissing those lips." I was equal parts grateful and mortified. Actual proof that middle school is the worst.

I was teased and retreated into a shell, hiding my true self from my classmates. I spent years trying to become a different girl.

At 28 I can confidently say that I don't care to emulate the lives of others. I am 100% happy in my own skin. Happy with my quirks, & I like what I like because I, Lauren Marie Quesada Flores like it. At 28 I feel more in touch with 8-year-old me than ever before. I missed her!

It took a lot for me to get to this point. I threw out a heaping collection of magazines, went on a 4-year social media fast, decided to stop wearing makeup full time, took the plunge and went to grad school. I made decisions for my education and the direction of my life based on what I felt I wanted to study, not what I thought society and my cultures wanted me to do. I threw myself whole-heartedly into church callings and spoke freely anytime I felt impressed to do so in ward council and similar settings. I've fully embraced my Latina roots above and beyond.

At 28 I am so happy with where I am in life, with who I am in this life, truly, and I am happy to be me.