Thursday, October 4, 2018

"You moved?!"

Celebrating my 28th birthday at home with a Bidi Bidi Bom Bom donut from Donas in Downey.

If you had told BYU-freshman-me that after 8 years at BYU I’d move back to California, I wouldn’t have believed you for even a hot second. Coming back to Los Angeles was NEVER part of my plan. I wanted to move to the South or to a small rural town in some unknown part of the country that I had never before explored, and preferably do all this with a spouse. 

LA isn’t where I expected I’d be, and I haven’t yet had this overwhelming sensation that I’m exactly where I need to be, but for right now it feels good enough. 

To all my friends in Utah who have been really confused and had no idea I was moving—I apologize. I didn't want any kind of fanfare or sad farewells. I wanted to quietly slip away and break-up with Utah; I told very few people about my move. 

This was honestly a decision that just kind of happened. I was 1 Nephi 4:6ing it. In the past, Heavenly Father has been very forthcoming with the revelation for how my life should go. he's given me strong impressions, and blessed me with clear promptings of the paths I should take, and the places where I need to go. However, since my mission, I've noticed that those impressions have become more ambiguous. I don't mean to say that God is no longer talking to me, but rather he's been speaking to me in different ways, building my abilities of spiritual discernment through other means and methods. 

Utah was beginning to feel like too small of a place for me, and I felt that my growth was beginning to plateau. As much as I love the closeness to nature, the seasons, the prevalence of the gospel, etc. My soul was also beginning to be weighed down by the culture, specifically the unhealthy obsession with dating among the YSA community. I needed a change of perspective, I needed to leave the bubble. 

Moving has been a lesson in faith and trust in God. I have shared with a select few of you that there are portions of my patriarchal blessing that talk about this VERY stage of my life in incredibly specific details. I know this sounds ideal, but it's very daunting. Those sacred promises have not always come to fruition in the way that I planned out they would, but I am learning evermore that My ways are not His ways, nor are my thoughts His thoughts (Isa 55:8-9). 

The plan to move didn't fully become a reality until I bought my plane ticket home on the 4th of July. I kept thinking that maybe the Lord would bring some 11th hour plot twist to my life, but with the bar exam three weeks out and no plot twist on the horizon, I went ahead and purchased my ticket home. 

I left behind a great job, my beloved car (I miss you Carlos!), and a college-town that had inspired ten years of growth, and I moved home. 

I'm still very much in a transitioning phase. 

I have a new ward (El Dorado YSA), new friends (you'll meet them soon enough), a new calling (Sunday School Teacher), and hopefully soon a new car & job!

I will not sugarcoat this experience and say that it has not been hard, that I haven't been confused in the process. I've had mini freakout moments, thoughts that have left me full of doubt, but when I turn to prayer, it's never long before I'm reassured that my life here will work out. 

A few weeks ago, I felt a strong prompting to watch the BYU devotional and found such comfort and solace in this quote by Sis. Peggy Worthen:

If we seriously engage in daily scripture study and prayer, and if we regularly attend our meetings and serve others, we can, and must, trust that God will let us know what we need to do at critical times in our lives. 

Sometimes we make things more complicated than they need to be. We need not worry too much about the details of our lives. As Elder Bednar has observed, ‘no member of this church who is trying to be good will fail to be warned by the Holy Ghost if they are heading in a direction that is not right.’

During this period of unemployment, I've been walking by faith, moving here a little, there a little. I've been calling on the powers of heaven to lead me to a position that will help me "fulfill the measure of my creation."

I've been using this time to figure out how to measure success in this next stage of my life. I've been so used to measuring my life in semester form, that this whole out-of-school experience is very bizarre. How do I set goals? What's my purpose? How will I define accomplishment? If any of you have pointers on transitioning to the workforce life, I WILL GLADLY ACCEPT ALL YOUR ADVICE. 

To all who were a part of my the Utah/BYU chapter of my life journey, thank you! You have done so much for my spiritual growth and personal development. You are all beautiful humans!!!

Living under the same roof with these humans has also been really great.


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