the post where I confess my primary crush.

Do you remember when you first started liking and noticing the opposite sex?
I laugh reflecting on these days.
I had the biggest crush on Ryan.
It helped that I saw him every Sunday for three hours since he was born (i'm a year older) and then some.
We grew up together. In fact, I can't really remember a time in my life when I didn't know Ryan.

There are middle school journal entries about how today Ryan sat next to me in primary
or broke his foot
or asked if i wanted to ride down the hill with him on his scooter
or sang a duet with me
or gave me a rock.
No, not of the diamond variety.
more of a smooth charcoal colored pebble (much more romantic).
He had gotten in trouble for being too talkative and being an overall class clown in one of our sunday school lessons, and as punishment he had been forced to teach a lesson.
Because that's how you punish someone for being too talkative; you give them more opportunities to talk and make people listen.
I couldn't tell you what the lesson was about, but what I could tell you is that I kept that rock and when I got home, I put a sparkly ruby red colored heart sticker on said rock and tucked it away in a secret place.
Girls do funny things when they like a boy.
I probably still have that pebble tucked away somewhere.

There is also a journal entry about how one Sunday, Ryan gave me a flower. a rose.
It was mother's day—hence the reflection post.
I gave a cute little talk in church about how great mothers are and how i hope to be a good one when i grow up.
In our ward, mother's day meant that all female figures were given gifts; this particular year it was a rose. The young men were in charge of handing out the gifts and I still remember how it felt when my heart skipped a beat and Ryan gave me a rose even though I wasn't quite a grown-up lady.
I was twitterpated.

Sometimes I get text messages from Ryan's mom (he is currently in Panama so it's kind of impossible to get any sort of text from him) and my mind races back 100mi per hour to these memories.
I have since found out through the woodworks (and then confirmed) that this primary-aged crush was mutual.
I can't begin to imagine what 10-12 year old Lauren would have done if she knew.
BUT, I can guarantee that there would have been a lot more Ryan inspired journal entries if the little secret crush had been discovered sooner.
& I can guarantee that they would have been the inspiration behind a hit teen fiction romance novel.